Whole Shebang
by Aki Griffin
Summary: Arthur wouldn’t rest until he knew what he wanted to know. Pre established post movie relationship. Curt Arthur, mentions of others


Title: Whole Shebang

Author: Griffin Maxwell

Fandom: Velvet Goldmine

Pairing: Curt/Arthur Some mention of Curt/Brian and Curt/Jack Fairy

Rating: Pg-13

Summery: Arthur wouldn't rest until he knew what he wanted to know. (Pre-established post-movie relationship)

Warnings:

Notes: In the movie they talk about Curt's past as a "as the legend goes" thing, so I figure that there were probably parts that they got wrong. So inconsistency in that part is because of that.

Notes2: Fuck, it's 11pm, and I just finished this fucker. Man it's fuckin long for me, and it's a one shot, so you all get an ending! Yay! It's my first Velvet Goldmine fic, and I like how it came out.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Nothing witty to say at this hour.

Dedication: Tyler for cooking us all dinner again so we wouldn't have to suffer school food for at least one night. And Lindsey for reviewing and betaing this.

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Curt never relaxed. At least not his body. It was one of the few things Arthur had learned about him in their first few weeks together. Curt always kept every muscle he could tensed. Arthur had tried in the beginning to get Curt to relax. He was sure that a massage could fix it, but Curt quickly refused and so Arthur dropped it, afraid to do anything that might push Curt away. He just found himself wishing that Curt would let his guard down, even just for a minute.

Curt never slept when he was near Arthur. It was another one of the mysteries that surrounded him. Every time Arthur woke up, no matter what hour, Curt was still awake. Arthur figured it probably had something to do with being in bed with someone else night after night, but never brought it up.

A month after the fateful meeting in the bar and Curt practically lived with Arthur, yet Arthur felt like he still knew nothing of the musician. In a way it bugged him, but when it came down to it, he was happy just having Curt there.

Curt, since becoming a producer, didn't actually go to work very often. Arthur was still working full time. In the month they had been together, Arthur had never been able to get off work more than a few minutes early. Finally one day he was able to get off two hours early. He wanted to surprise Curt, so he picked up some wine and headed straight home.

The apartment was quiet when he got there. It was strange since usually he came home to music, any music Curt could get his hands on, blasting. But it was just silent. Arthur felt disappointed, but figured maybe Curt was finally getting some rest. He put down the bag with the wine bottle and moved quietly towards the back of the apartment.

He found the older man stretched out on his stomach on their (Arthur no longer thought of it as just his) bed. Something caught Arthur's eye. A small twitch of one of the muscles on Curt's arm. It was followed by another, then one on his back. Arthur moved closer to look at the sleeping face. He was surprised to find that, besides an occasional twitch, he looked completely at peace. He sat gently on the edge of the bed and watched the twitches continue, sometimes joined by a full contraction.

Arthur found himself torn between waking Curt up or letting him sleep. He wanted to talk, find out what Curt wasn't telling him, but he knew that he didn't sleep much, so let him rest. Instead he carefully lay down next to him on the bed and just watched.

It was another hour or so before Curt roused. Arthur didn't even realize that he was awake until his eyes opened. As soon as Curt noticed he wasn't alone his whole body tensed and the twitching stopped.

"How long have you been here?" Curt asked, his voice heavy from sleep and scratchy from a few too many cigarettes.

"An hour or so. I got off early."

Curt stared at him for a moment before rolling over and out of bed. "I think I'm, uh, going to head back to my place."

"Please stay?" Arthur ask quietly. "Can we at least talk?"

Curt sat back down on the bed, facing away from Arthur. "You've fallen in love with an image. If I leave now you can at least keep hold of that image."

"Do you…do you remember 10 years ago, at the Death of Glitter show?" Arthur paused. Neither of them had brought up that show, and Arthur doubted that Curt even remembered. But then he saw Curt nod. "That night…on the roof?"

"I remember."

"Was that just the image of Curt Wilde, or the real thing? Because that's what I fell in love with."

Curt didn't respond. Arthur moved to sit behind him and started massaging the other man's shoulders. Curt tried to shrug him off, but Arthur would have none of it. There was several minutes of silence.

"It was real," Curt said after awhile. "That night, it was all real. I guess…I guess I figured since I would never see you again, what was the point in pretending?"

"But you did see me again."

Curt nodded again. "I did."

"Just because you see me nearly every day, doesn't mean you should pretend. Please, relax," Arthur added, pushing down on the shoulders a bit.

"No."

"I know now, Curt. Stop fucking pretending."

Curt's head whipped around. It was extremely rare for Arthur to swear, and it startled him. "I don't like to let go. Even when I'm alone. It reminds me of things I'd rather forget," he finally admitted.

"Can you tell me? It could…It might help," Arthur suggested.

"You got alcohol around?"

"Just bought a new bottle of wine."

"That will work, I guess."

Arthur dragged himself off the bed and headed back to fetch the bottle, but not without giving Curt a kiss on the shoulder first. He came back quickly with the wine and two glasses. After they silently shared a few glasses, Curt finally started to talk.

"Are you sure you want me to tell you? You really want to know just how fucked up I am?"

Arthur lay his head on Curt's shoulder. "I'm one hundred percent sure."

"Fine. It really started with my brother, I guess. He was pretty fucked up, but my parents never saw that in him. When I was nine, on my ninth birthday, actually, he brought me into the bathroom to give me a present." Curt let out a snort. "Some fuckin' present. Made me give him a blowjob. Basically, my parents walked in, found us, and my brother made up some bullshit about how I begged him to let me do it. They wouldn't listen to me. So they sent me to fuckin' electric shook therapy for close to two years to turn me into a nice straight boy." He paused to fill another glass with wine and drown it. "All it did was fuck me up. You think they could settle for either fucking up my brain or my body, but they had to do both." He sighed. "Maybe…maybe if it had actually been by idea, I wouldn't try to hide it as much. I dunno."

"So, the therapy fucked up your muscles, and still didn't make you straight?"

Curt smiles just a tiny bit. "Do I seem straight to you? Most fucking useless idea ever."

"It was really your brother's idea?"

"Yeah. What? You hear something different?"

Arthur almost stopped breathing, knowing he was caught for knowing at least part of the secret that Curt didn't want him to know. "When I was doing that article on Brian Slade, his first manager told me. I don't remember much of what he said about it…"

Curt stared into his now once again empty wine glass. "Yet you're still here? Even though you knew sorta what happened?"

"Yeah. You're still you."

"I don't think I'm ever going to understand you, Arthur."

"I don't think I'll ever understand you, either. So we can call that one even." Curt chuckled. "Hey, um…if I start asking more questions, you're not going to run away, are you?"

"I'm afraid that you'll hate the answers I give."

"Even if I do, nothing will change. I'll be here as long as you will."

"God, don't say that. Brian used to say that all the time. Right up until he kicked me out of his fuckin life."

"Talk about it?"

Curt sighed. "The breakup or the relationship itself?"

"Both."

Curt thought for a few minutes before starting. "I thought it was love. Maybe it was. I'm not sure. But whatever it was, for awhile it was really great. He was beautiful, kind…at least my methadone filled mind thought so. We had fun, making all sorts of trouble together. Then both our demons started to come out. He became full of himself with fame, and me…well, all the fucked up parts of me I was repressing came out. Our last night…I think it might have been my fault it was so fucked up. I threw a fit, a fucking fit!, in the studio. I hadn't slept in weeks from being so high, and they kept saying I changed the songs without telling them. Maybe I did, I don't know. But we got into a fight and that was it. That was the end of it."

"What did you do afterwards?"

"You really are a journalist, aren't you? With all these questions."

"I just want to know more about you."

Curt sighed, but somehow felt slightly flattered. "After I left I went off to find Jack Fairy. You remember him?"

"The man that everyone stole their image from?"

"That's the guy. I was friends with him, he was pretty much the only person I had that wasn't closer to Brian than me, the only one that would side with me. So I went and stayed with him, he helped me get off the drugs again, and we started making some music together. We fell into a relationship, but he was nowhere near as nosey as you are," Arthur made a face and Curt laughed, "but he still made a good partner at the time. But, for professional reasons, we didn't stick with it. I'm glad we didn't."

"Why?"

"I'll get there, I'll get there. When that show came around, Death of Glitter, I decided that would be my last show, ever, my last breaths as well. I had Mandy come, since after the fake assassination she had actually become a close friend to me, to say goodbye. She and Jack were all I felt I had left, and that wasn't worth it. But, after the show there was this annoying kid standing around that wouldn't stop looking at me. Something about his stare made me think that one more night with company, one more night where I can be myself before the end, might be worth it. So I coaxed him onto the roof where we spent the night talking, and fucking, and just sitting around. He showed me that maybe there was more still out there for me. That I wasn't the only one fucked up. And even though he disappeared after that night, he was still there with me for years."

Somewhere along the line Arthur had dropped his head into Curt's lap and was staring up at him with the same grin Curt remembered from that night so long ago. He put down his wine glass and used his now free hand to play with the dark hair. "Why did you let him leave after all those years?"

"Because I found something better, something more stable. It took almost ten years to find, though. But I'm pretty sure that even if I ever lose that better thing, I'll always have what he gave me that night."

Arthur was still smiling as he sat up, only to pull Curt down with him so they were laying facing each other. "Will you actually i sleep /i with me tonight? Just relax and sleep?"

Curt watched him through blonde bangs. "If I try do you promise to still be here in the morning?" he whispered.

"This is my apartment! Of course I will be here!"

Curt smiled just a little. "Will you promise me one more thing?"

"Sure."

"Don't let me close my heart again?"

"Don't worry, Curt. There is no way I would allow that."

Curt smiled one more time before muttering a "thanks" and closing his eyes. A few minutes later his breathing was evened and Arthur was able to watch the small twitches of muscle that did little more than remind him just how strong his lover was.

End


End file.
